| Friday, March 30, 2007 |
| Touch |
"last nite a DJ saved my life.........There aint I problem that I cant fix, i got it all in the mix...."
I honestly do not know when it all started, but i definately didnt see it coming. I woke up one morning and I had mutated into this radio calling freak. Im scared, really petrified that Im slowly losing my mind. So lately I find my self tuned in to the same station, Touch Fm at about the same time 10-12pm listenning to the same show, most wanted.
Its like my hands have a mind of their own, and I cant stop them from dialing the number and requesting for a song.
the conversation normally goes like this..
Apiyo: Malcolm! (excitedly)
Malcolm: Hi Apiyo, how your day going
Apiyo: aight, just tuned in and cant believe i missed the first five minutes of your show.
Malcolm: But you are listenning now so its ok
Apiyo: Pls play for me "you oughtta know" by Alannis Morisset and send it out to my prick of an ex-boyfriend
Malcolm: ouch! you know I cannot say that on Radio....(laughs)
Apiyo: Im just kidding...I like all my ex boyfriends.
Malcolm: yeah me too, i like all my ex girlsfriends
blah blah
Malcolm: Always nice to hear from you Apiyo........
15 minutes into the show, my song is played and somehow my day seems to go alot better.
this is an ode to the life I have lost,coz it must be clear by now that indeed I have no life. In the words of Alannis....."if it makes you happy, it cant be that bad"....( Im constantly trying to validate being a freak and a loser)
Will try an find a shrink later, but for now, I still got my Touch and Malcolm ( Look out for Touch II: Im in love with a DJ) |
posted by kissyfur @ 5:32 AM  |
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| Thursday, March 29, 2007 |
| I will Survive |
Adopted from one of my favorite Emails.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches I almost died,
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on. . .
But there you are,
Another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry,
I should have known that it was bullshit,
Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans.
Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a prat to think I wouldn't catch you out,
Don't you know we' re only joking when we say size doesn't count.
(Chorus)
I will survive, I will survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life is gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex,
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey . hey
(instrumental)
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud,
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless multispeed,
Go on now go,
Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a prick that small was watching Gladstone run nude hash,
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for referees,
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me.
Go on now go,
Just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers,
Cos I'll always throw them back,
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick
Dip it in tomato sauce.
(Chorus)
Go on now go,
Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance, Cos I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny tockley at my door,
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor. Go on now Go! |
| posted by kissyfur @ 2:49 AM |
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| DIY |
 The art of DIY. A pictures says a thousand words!
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| posted by kissyfur @ 2:36 AM |
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| the Football fan |
 when you are in your prime, its your perrogative to to be picky, especially about the men that you date. cause when time starts to be unkind to you, then you have to rethink your strategy and make compromises. You resolve to marry only a Mutoro slowly fades into a western Ugandan, untill eventually you settle for anyone in the black race. well before that time reaches do exercise your right to be picky. And at this point, please rule out the football fanatic. Its healthy to have a genuine interest in some kinda sport but this right here is a disease.I think they should open some sort of rehab for these guys. They forget their number one responsibilty which is us. God forbid they have a bad football season, you might just never get laid. So if you absolutely have to date a football fan, atleast make sure he vies for a winning team. |
| posted by kissyfur @ 1:35 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 28, 2007 |
| Im gonna Kiss No Frog |
 Yeah vaguely familiar huh!Dont you raise that eyebrow at me. sure I know I just quoted Lucky Dube, you think!
Im simply at that time in my life when alot of my peers are dropping like flies for a thing called matrimony. So ihave attended alot of weddings lately but something has totally been puzzling me. There are quite a few goodlooking guys in town who seem quite eligible, yet no offence, but all my pretty friends have married guys who to put it mildly .....dont look too good (physically)
yeah I know, beauty lies....blah blah blah. hog wash!
I mean these are really stunning girls, who watch their weight and have make-up down to a science. So how is it that they end up with these butt ugly men? And dont tell me they have money, No amount of money can compensate for that battered face.What happened to our childhood dreams? the tall dark handsome types with square jaws and broad shoulders. Dont they feel cheated, that they traded that dream for a beer belly yuppie who has nothing going for him except for his job at MTN.
Do they not feel even slightly abashed to point them out to their friends. And the cute pet names.......like "There is my oogly woogly, his belly shakes like jelly" (bits sampled from Fatboys's anthem part II).
But I guess, as the great writers of sex and the city put it.
"Always marry someone who loves you more than you love them"
So the million dollar question; who are the hot guys of our dreams getting married to if not the hot gals. Im getting excited.....anha, I think this marriage thing is totally gonna work for me.!!!!!!
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| posted by kissyfur @ 5:01 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 20, 2007 |
| No Segregation |
I am a product of a strict Catholic all girls boarding school ( cant get any worse than that).
Actually was no so bad, because my school was the creme de la creme of schools in my country. Fit enough for the head of state to send all his 3 girls to.......anyone dispute that?
Well Im not trying to boast cause there is really nothing to boast about. Back to the point here....well in that prestigious school, we had a written rule that stated that No student shall segregate against another student. stupid huh!
I guess even the school realized the income disparities among students was quite high. Let me put it this way, we had kids who got in because of their excellent grades like me, then we had children of ministers and the top dog himself, political connections. Then there where children of tycoons who donated even the breakfast at the table. It is hard to justify why we even paid tuition as this percentage covered all the schools expenses.
And it is indeed common for people to stick with their own, this is how the popular crowds and the under-dogs develop in a community. To address this, the ingenius rule of segregation was established. As I look back its extremely funny actually that people broke down in tears during class meetings with claims that they were being segregated against. The rich kids never complained though, it was always the poor kids who felt like they were not being included. ha ha!
So the school strived to bring equality by these rules of conduct. A fruitless battle i must say, The rich kids I think suffered the worst kind of segregation. Imagine constantly being blamed for something you dnt understand, basically that some kid wants to be your friend but feels too inferior to approach you and so its you fault.
So what if they finally let you into their circle of friends, how comfortable will it be when they talk about their holidays is Aspen, train rides in Paris. Wouldnt it be more torture if during tea break if they are eating their bread with nutella and you only have blueband?
I honestly didnt get it, luckily for me, I was a lone ranger. I didnt cluster or join clicks, I kinda had friends for every interest and activity. There where those I played sport with, those I shared books with, those I sang with and those I ate with or overslept with. That way I never felt left out perhaps thats why it amused me to no end that people allowed themselves to be segregated against. |
| posted by kissyfur @ 3:41 AM |
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| Saturday Night Fever |
At Uni, every day was a party,unfortunately as yuppies, we dont have that luxury anymore.
Gradually your party days reduce to occassional theme nights, like Rock night on a Thursday at Steakout, then occassional visit to the Disco. After sometime, all this stops making sense. So if you find yourself asking what you are doing out instead of being cuddled in your bed, take a hiatus.
As a single gal, the one thing that constantly stays with you every night out is hope. the hope that you will turn around and there.....the man who rocks your world staring lovingly at you.
And you face falls when you realize he is looking over your shoulder at somebody else. Or worse the shimmer of his wedding band.
But there you are , its another Saturday night and still hope gleams in your eyes and its makes it all worth it i guess otherwise it would be pointless. |
| posted by kissyfur @ 1:11 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 13, 2007 |
| Kony Territory |
I was jumping with excitement just at the thought of "taking leave" from work. I needed a break I was exhausted after a year without time off.
Yeah and off to Gulu it was for me.Dont get fooled , this is not a normal occurance for as I have only been to Gulu 2 or 3 other times in my entire 20+ years. and secondly, I hope you are sitting down coz this is a shocker. I was going with My mum! For those who do not know me, the relationship between mother and I has ben injured since puberty. And We working on it, so the trip together was well...a step in the right direction I must say.
Very hot 5 hr journey it was and even hotter in Gulu. I was determined to have agood time and just try and fade all the not so pleasant memories of prior visits to Gulu.( which were for funerals of people I loved dearly)
I even got a tour guide......hehehe.yeah, like a tourist. shame, but it was absolutely necessary if I had to enjoy the visit.His name was Filbert and believe me that is not Gilbert mis-spelled.He was absolutely useless though, had an excuse every other day.
I took a tour of the camps and walked about 5 miles on average every day. Its a shame i didnt lose any weight, but how could I when every meal was dowsed in peanut butter (odi).
The relatives couldnt get enough of me, or perhaps I just have more than necessary as I was visiting a different relative evry hour.
Saturday noght and day 3 In Gulu, yipeee!!!! I finally get to go out, met up with an old neighbor from Ntinda who now runs a guest house and was out partying most of the night. Oblivious to the fact that rebel activity still loomed not far away.
Give it up to the Acholi people, God bless coz even with such untold suffering. Damn they still know how to have a good time. Hell yeah!
If you ever set foot on that God forsaken land, go to havannah. There is a Cuban guy who actually found success in Gulu. A real Cuban guy.....I would seriously like to walk up to him and say "story ki?".
In the dead centre of town are Baganda and there best invention to date and trust me it aint bark cloth......Better.....Rolex ( not the watch stupid!) The egg and chapati roll. Impressive ha!
Just to show how cosmopolitan the town is, are the Indians. yeah there is no safe place, they are everywhere, ven antarctica there are Indian Penguins. busy bodied and own most of the shops ofcourse, thats their trade!
And of course I went to observe the epiphany........apparently Jesus and Mary have been sighted hanging out at the MTN masts. well I say the big blue sky over the mast....perhaps Im just a sinner. Or maybe I have no imagination coz its amazing what shapes you can make with clouds.
definately many highlights and low moments which I chose not to mention coz the world has enough misery as it is.
whew! |
| posted by kissyfur @ 5:45 AM |
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